How can I aid you when I can’t help myself? How can I support any one else when I don’t have the command to do the same for me?
M I surviving in this world since I have to?
Self interest starts and exist everywhere, in everyone. Then why we hesitate to accept its presence, it’s the defaulted factor residing in our nature.
January 2, 2008
HELP!
Unknown way to an unknown destination!
Afraid of the changes, I feel like going on a never ending path, Knowing the fact that this indefinite mystery will lead me to no where. With all the truth, I have to move on, to find my destination, which will remain unknown even if I reach there. Does this mean I m hopeless? Or is this a positive sign, of my optimistic nature, driving me toward s the finish line? Meanwhile, in this pathway I keep on having visions; visions that will look real to others, but for me they appear to be hallucination. Is the reason being my way of perceiving them, or the fault lies in others; the answer lies no where!
Momentarily I prefer to stay like stagnant water in the pond; still people don’t avoid throwing stones in the pond. The enjoyment of looking at the ripples might be the reason. Feels twinge when the ripples starts disappearing after certain time period. Why don’t they just keep going? The happiness caused due to these waves is immeasurable, likewise the sadness that overwhelms me after they vanish can ‘t be quantified either. Some times I wish I can fade away so that no one feels my existence, the fear being; I cannot accept a change inside me, but other time I do want to transform; not for myself but for other. I need a reason to transfer to another phase, which can be in the form of living being or anything.With a long way to go, an endless or definite, unknown or familiar I m also afraid to stay all alone! A beacon, a hope compelling me to move on, on an unknown way for an unknown destination helping me to get rid of the alarms; staying all alone.
December 21, 2007
What if!
Till the time my soul gets freedom from my body; I will practice my religion, I will carry out the righteous deeds, I will adhere myself to the efforts of making others happy; reason being HIS fear in my heart,,,
But What if these things end up with nothing!!! What if my prayers do not assist me in any case..,, How will I get assured that my prayers are being acknowledged in front of HIM the almighty. Yes, I agree there will be a day when I will hear a voice from deep within comforting my soul against all the bizarre, chaos fuming inside me.
The fulfillment of desires for this world is not what I want from HIM,, its something more than that; a relation, a physically powerful bond between me and HIM,, that nurtures me to know HIS aspirations.
By the time I reach this stage there will be no more desires left inside, and I being HIS creature will abide by, without questioning.
But again the thing that frightens me equivalently; What if my practices for others are meaningless from their perspective and finally get dejected by HIM?
Not knowing when I will get out of the whirlpool of puzzlement, uncertainty. When will I enter into a place which is my very own which is real,.
Till then its HIM giving me the strength to survive, hope to stay, with a trust someday I will hear HIM loud and clear speaking inside me ,, the waiting period still vague.. Since the answer lies no where.
TRANSFORMATION
25 Jan 1985, my date of birth as conveyed by my mother. Never knew how I really appeared, what were my activities that time,, all the facts keyed into my mind so that I may have a past when I m old.
This inattentive, negligent phase of life is the significant time to groom, things learned at this instance is collected ever after. Once an infant is through this time,, the transformation starts.
Human’s memory is initialized when born and programmed till he is grown up,, the time he starts making decision is the life segment when he has the data inside the lookup table of his memory with that sometimes he compares or sometimes tries to make a new thing out of it,, lastly its just the manipulation of that information in his head.
Comparable to a larva, when it conceal itself in a cocoon, every day it enters a new process till the time it fully converts to a butterfly. For human I can identify two stages apparently life and death. Among these two we transform ourselves. After the end of my first phase the death will triumph over, and hoping that there will be no more transformations further.
My entrance into a new world is another hope for breathing at this moment.
A new world with new things,, old experience tending to be worthless,, it’s a whole new world out there.
But I hope there all the sufferings will be over, without any conversion, I will just flow,, on my own,, knowing finally my belonging..,, Expecting that the feeling of this rip heart bleeding from inside will finish off. Living with this wish,, knowing that the answer lies nowhere I m optimist the same will happen,,…
July 24, 2007
……..the answer lies no where..
July 7, 2007 was my neice second birthday. On way to the venue, my attention was grabbed by some sensual pictures outside one of the famous cinema’s of Karachi. The presence of such hoardings at public place was apparently obscene. Though the pictures were not admirable they never stimulated anything.. atleast not to me but they might be appealing to the bourgeoisie. For me they seemed to be hoax than hokum. The hominoids in that gave an unrealistic, barbaric image of both the genders.
The movie name “HAWIS” i.e desire or lust was not conveying any message at all instead it looked more like publicising prostitution. Looking at the unhealthy image of human emotions portrayed by our so called film makers made me think for the masses, who suggest vulgarity as entertainment. Aren’t these misinterpretations creating an inbalance in the social lifes? inducing thoughts that are against to our values, creating barriers among both the genders and letting one gender use the other as its slave…
For sake of some amount our movie makers are contaminating the brains of these masses, who are already immersed in the darkness of illiteracy.. Why they are upto creating a disposible image of woman,yeh woman nature’s creation which has been ranked as dignified above anything else.
I may sound bit boring ,, women supporter but those images were more hilarious , creating a mixture of feelings inculsive of sorrow, grief, anger.
With so many overaged, overweight heroins unveiling themselves looked bovine to me. Wht I concluded was their main moto was to fit those extra healthy chics in outfits derived from the mixture of indian and western culture with pinch of paindo ism .
The thoughtless pictuers of those immodest was vexing the people stuck in traffic whenevr they had a look at it.
Even in this new era our people are indifferent to vulgarity and entertainment., they take women as entertainment like the bediouns used to do in the dark ages,, when they will have an understanding and when these hominoids will realise the fact that unveiling for some money is destroying the image of women in soceity… the answer lies nowhere…
July 9, 2007
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